Speedy Delivery
written by: Anastasia Loginova
Blossom was driven by a swirling mix of shame and anger. She wanted to escape as far as possible and scream at someone as loudly as she could. In this mood, she strode into the backyard of her family home. There, she spotted two blond heads. Her brothers were huddled over something in the far corner of the yard, unquestionably, undoubtedly, and certainly up to no good. This was the perfect opportunity for Blossom to blow off some steam.
She marched straight to the boys and barked, “What are you up to?”
They shuddered and recoiled. She stared at the old, rusty, dented jug before them. It reached her waist and came up to the boys’ chests. Once a masterpiece, it was now so weathered that its patterns — or were they spell runes? — were barely visible.
The boys started talking excitedly, interrupting each other:
“Blossom, look, it’s weird!”
“We put everything in…”
“…but nothing came out!”
“…sand…”
“…and water…”
“…stones…”
“…even midges don’t fly out of it…”
Blossom picked up the jug, tensing as she lifted it. Unexpectedly, it was so light that it nearly flew out of her hands. It looked like metal but weighed no more than a petal. Blossom shook it. From within came rumbling, rattling, gurgling, and even buzzing sounds. She turned the jug upside down. Nothing came out!
Just as Blossom prepared to start her interrogation, a growl burst from her pocket: “AB!!!”
Blossom pursed her lips. “AB?” Really? Was her boss short on sounds? Couldn’t he put a little extra effort into articulating “Apple Blossom?”
She pulled a mirror carp scale from her pocket and blew on it. When it came to her boss, she’d much rather spit on the speaking scale, but the call activated with blowing. Unfortunately.
And there he was, perfectly, impeccably, and flawlessly groomed and handsome as usual. An ideal fairy. With an unbearable personality.
“What took you so long? Have you made the reservation?”
Oh no! Blossom had been on her way to the best restaurant in Fairyburg to confirm a booking for a chamomile when she spotted Thistle Thorn at the Spring Festival and everything went out of hand. No wonder she forgot all about her dreadful, horrible, and awful boss and his equally dreadful, horrible, and awful date.
“Sure, boss,” she answered enthusiastically. “Absolutely, positively, and categorically no problems. Best chamomile. View of the sunset. Nightingale concert. All as you like.”
“I hope so,” the boss squinted with suspicion. “Try not to disappoint me again, or else…”
Blossom lowered the scale, ending the conversation. The reservation! What was she going to do? Surely and undoubtedly, by now, someone else had taken that cursed chamomile! Blossom imagined her boss’s face twisting with rage when he found out. She slammed her palm against the jug in disgust and despair. Suddenly, there was a flushing sound. Water roared. The boss yelled.
Boss??? Blossom stared at the speaking scale in her hand. Oops. She’d forgotten to blow on it to end the call. Now, she had a unique opportunity to feast her eyes on her boss soaked, covered in sand, with a face swollen from midge bites and bruised from fallen stones.
“What… what… what…” he stammered, unable to articulate his feelings.
“Should I cancel the reservation, sir?” Blossom asked cheerfully.
“Yes!” the boss barked with obvious relief. “And don’t count on a premium for the holiday!”
“Okay,” she nodded. “No reservation, no premium for me, and no secretary for you. I quit.”
She blew on the scale, ending the call. Then she stroked the jug’s dented side.
“This speedy delivery jug isn’t bad at all. I feel thoroughly, entirely, and completely satisfied!”
- Speedy Delivery - May 19, 2025
- The Proper Name - January 18, 2025
