The Formula of My Breakdown, poetry by Kika Man at Spillwords.com
Saad Ahmad

The Formula of My Breakdown

The Formula of My Breakdown

written by: Kika Man

@kikawinling

 

After Lynne Thompson

Let y equal the plants I brought to death.
Let x equal the spilling water in my bottle closed shut.
Let y minus x equal the fries I ordered for dinner
and let x plus y equal the fire that is spreading from my stomach.

In this formula, we lack acid. Let it be n.
A toilet’s friend, a trashbin’s lover.
It fulfils cups of tea that have been standing in my garden
for too long.

Let n subtract from x + y and the result is
a format of empty shelves, dusty glasses
and desperate darlings dressing up as poems I have not yet
drowned.

(Science is a social construct based upon
false exponents and square roots of societies
that deem themselves higher than others
and I am too tired to care.)

Let this lesson be heard, but my voice will stay in bed.
The variables can be the blankets torn off,
but I will nail them shut.
My bed does not breathe anymore, let the air be z.

N divided by z equals the pool of vomit I am dancing in,
I make snow angels.
In the meantime, the unbroken shards stare at me
from in the back of the shelf,

remaining silent but accusatory.
They know I ran away from mathematics
when trying to build my house.
Let z divided by the square root of x be the sewers that spew out z + n divided by x-y.

The formula of the beginning of the breaking down of a spirit let loose.

Kika Man

Kika Man

Kika Man 文詠玲 (she/they) is a writer from Belgium and Hong Kong. Kika writes about her mixed heritage, mental health, and travelling, about music and blueness. She is a member of Slam-T (a spoken word & slam poetry platform) and also a PhD Student in Queer Sinophone Studies. They have been published in Capsule Stories, Anti-Heroin Chic, Horse Egg Literary and many more. You can find Kika on her WordPress site - Kika Man.
Kika Man

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