What I Could Never Say

what I could never say

written by: Eric Danhoff

@troubled_sleep

 

The knuckles make the sickest sounds
imprints of bone
decorating homes
a signature of failure
to keep my shit together
against the wall i am everything
and nothing
conversation through collision
say my piece
away from the light
take calm steps back out
continue my performance
the taste of blood is brief on the tongue
small pain self inflicted
release the tension built
in the smallest bricks
tucked between hours of repetition
and these falling arrows of productivity
stack and save
count the days before escape
sleep tired
awaken drained
restart the clock
remembering what we’ve planned
hide away the desire for silence
that dreamt up place
far from the loudest of mouths
and their oceans of words
repeat
you told me my anger reminded you of home
in the worst ways
some days the chatter is so loud
i can only speak through fists
to whichever hard surface i choose my words for
it does little in the long run
against the wall
i am everything
and i am nothing
it will always reveal
the weakness in my argument
sing to me
how frail these bones are
taste the blood
heal the holes in my skin
pray to keep it contained somehow
better than before
repeat
maybe one day
i won’t need to find a moment to scream into the dark
please don’t blame yourself
if i ever lose my grip
i could fill this house
with what i could never say
and smash it to pieces