The Proper Name
written by: Anastasia Loginova
Apple Blossom
Blossom always knew that Thorn was an outlier. For five years, he had been living among humans, orcs, goblins, and other corpse-eaters. How could any flower fairy withstand the dreadful sight of flesh being cut into pieces, fried, chewed, and eaten? No one could stand even the simple smell of blood or meat. Except, of course, the damned Thistle Thorn.
His place was among those jerks; why bother returning? Yet he had returned, came to the Spring Festival, and was now standing with a ritual dagger raised in the air, holding something wailing and squeaking in his other hand.
“Is he going to sacrifice a living creature in the middle of Fairyburg?” Blossom was struck by that thought.
She was always straightforward, brave, and drastic. At heart, she was more lionhearted elf than a fragile flower fairy. Unlike the others, Blossom could not turn a blind eye to the crime. Suddenly, the silence fell, and her voice spread throughout the entire place:
“Dirty pervert!”
Thorn was not the only one frozen by her indignant outburst. Everyone in the plaza turned to her, astonished.
“Mummy, what is a pervert?” wondered a child.
“What? Why are you all staring at me?” Blossom asked, sensing something had gone wrong.
“That was awkward,” said Grandma Acorn, whose trumpet voice was hard not to recognize.
Blossom looked around with dignity.
“How could you all allow such obscenity to happen right before your eyes?”
“But Blossom, it was just a grooming competition!” Cauliflower, her next-door neighbor, answered.
It was at that moment Blossom realized Thorn was holding high above his head not a ritual dagger, but merely a pair of aphid trimming scissors. She gulped and went pale.
“Is this the sign we’ve been waiting for?” Beanstalk asked bewilderedly.
“And it’s getting more awkward still,” joyfully announced Grandma Acorn.
Thistle Thorn
Thistle Thorn always knew that the Spring Festival was his favorite time of year. It seems every single fairy was out in the streets. Everyone was dancing, singing, laughing, playing jokes, competing, or just fooling around. This event was such a consolation for the heart of a fairy forced to live in a foreign land, establishing diplomatic relations.
That day was particularly special for Thorn. He won a couple of rounds in arm wrestling, was the first to row a boat to the other end of the pond, and even had enough courage to participate in a silly grooming competition.
Beanstalk, the owner of the aphid nursery, jumped around him with delight. He admired the original haircut Thorn had given one of his elite aphids.
“I’m going to present it to the Flower Fairy Queen!” Beanstalk told him proudly. “I just have to choose its name properly.”
“The Proper Name cannot be chosen,” Great-grandmother Root, the oldest and wisest among the fairies, solemnly croaked. “Listen to the signs of the Forest Spirits, and you will get the Proper Name.”
“Then it’s decided,” Thorn exclaimed. “As soon as I raise my hand, everyone keep silent. We’ll listen to the signs.”
He raised his hand with the trimmer clamped in it. Silence reigned over the square, and everyone heard a soft, pleasant voice:
“Dirty pervert!”
Blossom and Thorn always disliked each other as children. As kids, they were always trying to annoy each other. But they were not children anymore! Why, in the name of all blooming gardens, did she call him a pervert? What kind of weird joke was this?
Thorn suffered from wounded pride, but Beanstalk had more serious problems.
“Is this the sign we’ve been waiting for?” Beanstalk asked bewilderedly.
“I think it is,” excitedly croaked Grandma Root. “That’s just marvelous, Beanstalk. You are going to present the Queen with a pet named Dirty Pervert.”
- The Proper Name - January 18, 2025
