Disappointment is a curious feeling. It’s low and dull and aching. It drags on. It hurts but not in a sharp, surprised way. It’s more of a wounded sorrow that you are here again. At that place of no result, no win, no give. The place that lacks, the gift that is not enough, the corner that is dusty and cold.
It’s that feeling of hollow emptiness, an almost resignation that this is all there is. All you will ever be given from that person or situation. And when it keeps happening, it slowly erodes until you feel insufficient and unworthy. You thought you deserved more, yet it was not delivered. Do you really deserve it? Are you as special as you thought you were? Or do you expect too much?
You become disturbed by someone else’s perception of you and how much they can give to you. You become angered by their meanness and lack of generosity. You begin to ask yourself if you should even have to ask …
Disappointment can feel confusing and cause you to doubt yourself. You start to overthink it. But before you do this … go back to that initial gut feeling. Go back to that hollow ache, that wrung out feeling of despair that whispers this is not enough.
Perhaps you are making do with less than you deserve. Maybe you are being short-changed, held back, kept in check, kept at a distance. Return to that gut feeling and hold the feeling for a little longer. It’s telling you all you need to know about someone.
My name is Tina Cathleen MacNaughton and I am a writer. I have written several books - a collection of poetry 'On the Shoulders of Lions' (The Choir Press, 2021) and two children's books, 'When the elves rescued Christmas' and 'Santa's Still Asleep!' (both WriteRhymes, 2020 and 2021). I am published in various anthologies and journals and won a prize in the US County Ventura annual poetry competition in 2021. I belong to Portsmouth Writers Hub and perform with Chichester based open mic group Words Out Loud. I contribute regularly to community writing and arts projects. My work may be read at Portsmouth University's online literary map and blog and my author website WriteRhymes. My debut novel Delphy Rose will be published by Troubador in Spring 2023.
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