The Orville Ploy
written by: Richard Bishop
On a chilly March morning in 1987, two high school seniors squared off in Hillcrest High’s gym.
“Don’t you remember, Josh? You promised me a date with Mary-Sue Kleptky if I did your homework.”
Josh King stared at Orville Jones with a mixture of contempt and pity on his handsome face. How long can I string this dweeb along? I got ninety percent on the assignments he did for me. That’s a long way from my usual low 60s.
“Here’s the thing, amigo, and it pains me to tell you this. I’m counting on you keeping what I’m about to tell you to yourself, as it came from a confidential source.”
Orville pushed his black frame glasses further up his nose with an ink-stained index finger. “Sure, Josh. Pinky swear. I won’t tell anyone.”
“That’s good.”
Josh looked around as if searching for lurkers and grabbed Orville’s shoulder as he led him into the far corner of the gym. “Mary-Sue doesn’t like boys, if you get my drift.”
Orville frowned. “But she has been going out with Troy Thompson all year. Yesterday, when I brought a fresh load of towels to the locker room, I overheard him say he’d gotten to second base.”
Josh grinned like a fox leaving a henhouse. “It was a ruse, Orv. Troy was covering for her.”
Orville kicked the floor with his polished Oxford. “Just my luck, to fall for a lesbian.”
“Don’t be so bummed out. I got another girl lined up for you.”
Josh wrinkled his nose. This dude would do better with the ladies if he showered more often.
Orville looked up, his eyes filled with hope. “Really? Who?”
“Janey McLeod.”
“She’s kinda tough looking. Always wears a black leather jacket, and I don’t know about those tattoos.”
Josh winked. “Trust me. She’s a pussycat when you get her alone, and I heard she lets you go to third base.”
“I’m free on Saturday night.”
“Hold your horses. I’m good, but not that good. It’ll take a couple of weeks to schmooze her into the idea.”
“Oh, jeez.”
“Buck up. This one’s a sure thing. Third base, remember?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“You can help me out with a situation.”
“What situation?”
“I have a history essay on the Second World War due on Monday, and I’ve got a full social calendar this weekend. Now, if you write the essay for me, I’ll see what I can do to speed up the process with Janey.”
Orville’s eyes narrowed. “Third base for sure?”
Josh nodded and held up three fingers.
“You’re sure?”
Josh nodded. Come on, come on. I need a good mark in history to avoid summer school.
“Well, I don’t know, Josh. I kinda had plans this weekend.”
“What plans?”
“The science club is planning a planetarium tour on Saturday.”
Gotta think fast.
“Is a bunch of dead planets better than third base? Besides, that leaves Sunday free.”
Orville cocked his head like a puppy. “How long does the essay have to be?”
“Mr. Martin said two thousand words. Will you do me this one favor?”
A mischievous smile bloomed on Orville’s face, and he stroked his chin. “Any topic?”
“Mr. Martin didn’t say.”
“Okay, I’ll do it, but you’d better come through this time.”
Josh performed an exaggerated wink. “It’s a sure thing.”
Orville walked to math class, lost in thought, while Josh sauntered to the gym.
He stopped as if he’d run into a brick wall. He turned and looked back at Josh. Now I get it.
Orville skipped the planetarium trip and spent all night on his Apple II exploring dating chat rooms. By the time the sun rose, he was a much wiser boy.
Monday morning rolled around, and Josh paced in front of the school, looking for Orville. When he spotted him strolling along with his briefcase, he sighed in relief. “Got my essay?”
Orville grinned in a way Josh had never seen before, as he pulled out a sheaf of typed pages.
“Here you go, sport.”
Josh snatched the papers from Orville’s hand, ignoring the tone in his voice. Did I get a whiff of aftershave?
He ran to history class and handed in his paper.
Orville turned and sauntered toward a group of girls standing by the lockers.
The next weekend, Josh bumped into Orville at the mall, and he was holding hands with Janey McLeod. He tried to walk past the couple while avoiding eye contact.
Orville called after him, “Hi Josh, how’s it going?”
Josh sped up and pretended he didn’t hear him.
Janey turned to Orville. “What’s up with him?”
Orville grinned. “He hasn’t been the same since Mr. Martin flunked him for handing in an essay on Napoleon in World War II.”
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