What's Wrong With This Picture? flash fiction by Laura Stamps, at Spillwords.com

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

What’s Wrong with This Picture?

written by: Laura Stamps



I can’t believe I agreed to this, but I let my best friend talk me into signing up for a class on self-sabotage at the Community Center. She thinks I have a “death wish.” She’s wrong, of course. I mean, you’d have to be crazy, right? And I’m certainly not that. I’m not. That. No. Not crazy. But she would disagree. And now the instructor of the class thinks I’m crazy too. In fact, I’m sure of it. And it’s all because of that list she wanted us to make. A list of the things we procrastinate about. “Katie, why do you ride a bike with no brakes?” the instructor asked, frowning when she read the first item on my list. I told her it’s because I work in the city and don’t have a car. I plan to get my brakes fixed. I do. It’s just that things keep coming up. Like the sale Etsy had last week on a vintage Coach backpack, the one I’ve always wanted. I figure the bicycle shop wasn’t going anywhere, but that Coach backpack could sell at any minute. I had to act fast. I had to buy it. Had to. I mean, Coach is the bomb. Everyone knows that. But it didn’t seem to make the instructor happy. Especially when she read the second item on my list. The one about how I only wear black. But I have to. Black makes the gold highlights in my hair pop. True, you can’t see my hair at night when I’m walking my dachshund, Daisy, and I stop to answer a text in the middle of the street, like I do sometimes. But it’s no big deal. Every car that’s almost hit me swerved at the last minute, so it’s cool. BTW, did you see that black Gucci jacket on Etsy today? What a sale! I’m thinking if I ride my bike really slow I may never need brakes, right? You’ve got to admit that jacket would look totally rad on me. And Gucci is the bomb. I mean, everyone knows that.

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