You stole my heart and I watched willingly as you dissected it.
You stood over me with a smile that could make the angels sing as you concentrated, making small incisions while I ignored the pain, getting lost in your eyes instead.
You moved toward my head, the cold metal table causing my body to shiver, my lips starting to turn blue. I felt your soft touch on my forehead, gently sweeping away my hair. You leaned closer as you drew the markings with a pen, tickling my skin ever so slightly.
“You are beautiful” I felt your hot breath on my ear, your words causing my heart to swell almost ten times in size, the stitches you inserted now flowing down my sides onto the table, along with my blood.
You lick your lips in awe of my light.
I listen as you pick up a scalpel and I feel the cold blade slice open my skin. You precisely move the blade from one marking to the next. You bump your head against the hanging light that now swings back and forth as you reach for your electrical saw. A loud noise fills the room as you effortlessly break down my walls to reveal me in my most vulnerable form.
Moons and stars and images of sweet nothings fill the room, you look up in wonder, touching my thoughts and memories as you dig through the squishy grey matter in your hands. I watch as you page through each idea slowly and thoughtfully, absorbing each as if made from gold. “I love you.” The words poured from your mouth, the giddiest smile on your face as you said it. Magic and wonder fill the room as my brain quickly dreams up every possible reality.
“I love you too.” My voice croaks weakly and my lips start to crack.
I look down to survey my body, finding nothing but blood and a wide-open chest cavity. My heart lay on my stomach, surrounded by butterflies and my skin white as snow. I tried to sit up but instead I landed with a thud on the hard cement floor. I studied your shoes, looking up past your white lab coat where I was finally met with your face. A look of disbelief on it as the room suddenly filled with sounds of thunder and scenes of brilliant lightning. I smiled as I looked up at my darkness and watched as images of pain and fear surrounded the storm.
Devilish thoughts decorated the clouds as haunted ghosts drifted below them.
I reached up at you when salty tears started pouring from the sky, my body now numb and almost lifeless. You picked me up and carried me away from my storm, terror and surprise plastered on your face.
You lay me down in a cold, grey room. Screams filled it, erupting from my raw, open mind.
Your eyes now filled with regret as you watch my demons drift above me. “I can’t…” You whisper as you back away from me. “You’re too much.” You backed out of the open door behind you and I watched as it shut slowly, sentencing me to the inevitable loneliness that always seems to follow wherever I go.
Venessa Jacobs is a writer from Johannesburg. She enjoys coffee and is the type of person who would be caught staring at the moon or stuck in a daydream. She stepped into her day job as a Primary School Teacher after she earned her B. Ed at the University of Pretoria and uses every spare moment to write. She has been published in an Anthology, ‘Soon, A New Day’, which will be available on Amazon and in an International Poets Magazine, ‘Poets Unlimited’. Most of her work is available on Instagram and her blog under the alias; Thoughtbarf.