To My Father
written by: Breanna Hobbs-Dunning
Cause you only love me when you’re drunk, you only love me when you’ve got no memory.
Tell me am I a priority, am I a problem.?
I no longer want to shed these tears, I just wanted a father figure.
It really hurts that you continue drinking, it feels even worse when you say life’s not worth living. You’ve got three children you’d be leaving, but drinking four or more cans a day that’s blurring your vision. I want to be proud to call you my inspiration, but I can’t right now from the amount you’re constantly consuming.
But now I see it’s cause of you, all the tears in my eyes. I often wonder why, why I carry all this guilt. When it’s you that helped me put up these walls I’ve built.
Cause of you, I felt the need to put my anger onto myself when I couldn’t keep in line and had no one to turn to.
I know when you hear this it may be hard to comprehend but it’s not fair on us because you’re drunk every single day.
Walk a little straighter, dad, you’re swaying side to side.
Walk a little straighter, dad, you’re leading me.
I had to learn how to grow up living in a war that’s called home.
Never knowing just where to turn for shelter from the storm.
Hurt me to see the fear across my Mother’s face every time your fists would scare her into her place. You left your mark in the walls to remind us of those times. Hearing all the yelling, I would cry in my room. Hoping it would be over soon, but it’s an on-going cycle of our life style.
Wishing I could stand up to you, but whenever I do it makes things worse. You get mad, yelling not to talk back. But now you want me to communicate with you, how do you expect me to want to after everything you’ve put me through.
Dad, it’s so ridiculous, feeling so silly for thinking you were really a parent. It makes me sick to the gut, knowing you’re out there drinking, putting yourself in danger.
So don’t be thinking that where I am in life is because of you.
I’m your daughter, did you know that?
The way you’ve treated me my whole life you’ve never shown that.
But no matter what you said to me I never loved you less. Only because my love for you was never really there, just like you.
I believe it’s hard to love someone when you only know the drunk version of them.
Mum always gets mad at you and you never seem to understand that what she says is only because she cared about you and our family, she was just trying to help you become a better person. She gets mad, which makes you say she’s always nagging you. But she just wants what’s best and that’s her side I understand.
Don’t you think it’s time to get clean, your family needs you. You can’t leave mum to pick up all these pieces because your vision is blurry. Once our family is broken, it won’t be easy to fix. These words are spoken from my heart, I want my dad back and my family not to be so torn apart. I know you struggle with depression, but having three children should be a blessing. I want you to improve before Isabella gets older, but don’t worry dad I get what you’re going through, it won’t be easy for you to lose all of the alcohol you always choose to constantly consume.
Get rid of that out of your system and be a better father to Isabella before it’s too late. We just want her to have a good father figure and not the one I was raised with. So please stop drinking everyday, spend time with your family without alcohol in your system.
- Lost in Love - January 17, 2024
- Actor in Your Play - July 7, 2023
- Light in The Dark - March 9, 2023
