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A Self-Portrait In Letters

written by: Kerri Caldwell

@KerriCaldwell19 

 

They got me on the run, ethereal and destructive. I’m a kindred spirit born in the wrong era, hiding a delicate heart among lots of friends, depraved and serene, half-drowsy in senseless sadness. I am both ashamed and proud of the graffiti in my heart that reminds me a monster is not such a terrible thing to be. Wearing a grin made for fighting and dark circles under my eyes, I promise that a lifetime of searching is better than a lifetime of knowing my soul wasn’t a good place to grow your roots. Inside and out, you can feel a concept of terror about me, vulgar and melancholy, all sorts of messy and letting darkness grow.

And it comes to me, like an excerpt from my life, the recollection that I am made of yesterday’s afterthoughts and heaven’s bad timing, but still beautiful in the tragic fallout. These are the days that must happen to you.

I plea in a lyrical dance, “From this old chaos let there bloom youthful life.”

Speaking in dead languages, the dirt whispered back, “Lightly, child, lightly. There is a greater story here still being written.”

Kerri Caldwell

Kerri Caldwell

I was born and raised in Virginia Beach, Virginia, where I still reside. I write about the silent topics that need to be heard: infertility, mental illness, life changing illnesses, and the impacts they have on relationships. When not reading, writing, or editing I can be found skateboarding, a favorite hobby my boyfriend and I enjoy together, as well as advocating and spreading awareness for Celiac Disease.
Kerri Caldwell

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