Ms. Mayer asked that I think. Many people have asked that I think, (teachers, parents and the F.B.I. But my dear wife asked more than anyone) but sweet Rhonda asked that I think about the fallacy of affordable health care? How to achieve peace in the middle east? How to get stains out of T-shirts?
Then she said “I’ve got a pretty simple mind.” to which I say “Liar!”
Here I do apologize for calling her a liar. It was a joke and lots of jokes are statements of the truth but plenty are acts of fibbing.
That would be a good T-shirt for me. “I am not a fibber. I am a philosopher.”
We require and need peace in the Middle East, but also in the middle west, the east, north and the south-north. In other words, we need peace absolutely everywhere.
That would be a decent T-shirt. If you were making a list of saying which ought to be on T-Shirts as long as I am just sitting here waiting for the rain, allow me to put up a few I have thought about over the last few years.
1. Ducks which float in the lake do not require a boat with which they ought to take.
2. Ducks who sink again will come to the surface for they’re not dumb.
— ok I think these are ducky but I believe it is time to add other thoughts (yes put that on a shirt too)
3. At four years old I protested I was not a senior. I have told the truth ever since.
4. I miss you so, why did you just go. But if you’re reading this below. You must be here, so ho ho ho.
5. If this is Sunday, I must be asleep, but wake me for the football game, please.
6. A sad children’s story about a caterpillar: They do not taste good!
7. Old friends are the best. If they haven’t told yet, chances are they forgot.
8. Her smile befall at her chin. Her lips travel up, wresting into and through a stretch and drain a bit of blood, but enlightened the eyes as if the blood floret up there, then appearing as pink rubber-bands.
9. Dogs and cats are generally enemies, husband and endless dishes and laundry are too. Thus.
10. And it seems like most everybody attempts to smile like her. But none are able. It’s impossible. Because she is impossible.
11. I used to sit on guard duty and do nothing but watch the moon move, and think thoughts.
12. These are not those, but there are thoughts thunk. Such as this, and the following.
13. Killer bees are never brought into court because they would simply sting all there.
14. Think about dogs and peace will arrive.
15. All grandsons are intelligent and handsome and obviously, take after their grand pa.
16. Beverly moved to Miami. That shows how dim is she. Beverly Hills is in California.
17. It didn’t bother me that he was a Mexican, but he was an Oklahoman.
18. Heather Cox and I took some walks from the filing cabinet to the conference room.
19. An historical frog simply hops and hopes along.
20. Clocks say nothing. Their face has no mouth.
21. I’m no longer interested in Sci Fi. The only galaxies I’m interested in are the ones in your eyes.
22. Walking up and down the and around the four corners of the earth. Taking my pet trick monkey with me just to see his truths.
23. Remember the Hula hoop, it’s coming back, you know — everything goes round and round.
24. A thought is not but an opinion and an opinion is not but a thought.
25. Proceed to squash them. Falling homes tend to bounce before they shatter, and little fragments can scorch the earth, and send shards everywhere.
26. See you here at noon.
27. It is always noon in fairly tale land.
28. Stop and tie your shoes; both right and left before you fall and receive the blues.
29. You need no proof to hear a goose for what would be the use?
30. Spoons could be good drum stick if not playing on the drums but on plates and other dishes. That sure makes it fun.
31. I took my car to the carnival back in 1964. I watched the elephants and clowns lay across the tent floor and we were so excited me laughed and cried and then more.
32. My worse (autocorrect for oars) are struck in the water.
33. Take a left at This Is The Way Avenue.
34. Go up the two building blocks to It Could Be Better Lane.
35. Turn left.
36. Turn left again at Oh, My Dear Boulevard.
G. David Schwartz - the former president of Seedhouse, the online interfaith committee. Schwartz is the author of A Jewish Appraisal of Dialogue (1994) and Midrash and Working Out Of The Book (2004). Currently a volunteer at The Cincinnati J, Meals On Wheels. His newest book, Shards And Verse (2011) is now out.