How To Be Omniscient (in 10 maybe simple steps), by thewrathofsponge at

How To Be Omniscient (in 10 maybe simple steps)

How To Be Omniscient

(in 10 maybe simple steps)

written by: thewrathofsponge



Omniscience: in simple terms. knowing everything.

So. You’re an evil villain plotting how to be omniscient and, darn-tooting they never make manuals for these things. You know the basics, like how cool it would be to be omniscient (“mother will love me now”) but you do not know exactly how to get there.

I got you.

Let’s start with this. What is there to know?

First, factual data on the physical nature of all creation. Things. All things in existence. What the things can do, and do. What they are made of? How they interact with other things (physical laws and such). These judgements are based on empirical data, and an afterwards continual inference. Also can extend to historical events.

A lot of it is documented, a lot more is not. No source holds the undocumented data. It must be discovered and validated.


Second, subjective data. Think experiences. Prejudices. Beliefs. Collectively acquired from all rational living things who existed. exist, and will exist throughout the expanse of all creation.

A lot of it is documented, a lot more not as much. Ideally it is all be stored in individual people’s memory, as well as other people’s memory as a different version of some event or opinion.

PS: In a cosmic scale, note that ‘people’ will stand for any living being in existence that can store their experiences and learn in any capacity, allowing opinions, prejudices, beliefs, such thoughts.

Also, people tend to forget. Also, people tend to muddle up their thoughts. New information is not ‘true,’ but it is existing information now.

Tricky. But much more quantifiable.

OK then. New question. What do we want to do?

Two things. Discover and document/save data on all things in creation. Discover and document/save data on all rational livings things’ experiences, opinions, beliefs, prejudices, that entire plate. If it was, is and will be in their minds at any point in time, it is required.

Also, server space.

So, master plan.

First, you need wealth. A lot of resources are required, money is a nice standard to use to bridge that.

Second, the task is too big for one lifetime, and you (personally) want omniscience. You need to be unable to die. So, find a way to be immortal.

You’re immortal now?

No? OK, go back to number two again.

And now? Immortal?
I’ll take that as a yes.

Third, server space. Where is all that data going to go? A. Build servers as data continues to expand. Too much data however. No way earth is enough. We make assumptions. Make server technology smaller, way smaller, and stack them up. May still be too little a space required. Please consider using one of them planets as a server space? This means planetary transportation and possible interplanetary relocation. Trust Elon Musk. Consider making him partially immortal. Forms of power generation must be found out on the planets to sustain the servers. Set up interplanetary communication so that they can be accessible from whatever distance in the cosmos. Accessible from earth is a good start.

Also, consider using brains of rational living beings as living servers. Brains work, very well, better than servers, already exist. In the cases of the existence of aliens, they are already distributed all over the cosmos.

PS: Interplanetary travel must get to the point any point of all creation is accessible, including, if there, other universes, dimensions, etcetera. Consider watching Star Trek again, but with a pen and notebook.

Fourth. Time travel. Once you can access all space, you need to access all time.

Fifth. More resources. By now, you’re either super smart or super old. Consider conquering other civilizations and/or cloning a lot of intelligent life forms. You need intelligent living beings, many of them, to assist in data collection throughout worlds and universes, etc., and scientific inferences afterwards.

Six. Learn how to access life forms’ brains. You need the information inside, plus living servers, if you must.

Seven. Consider Forced Accelerated Learning. To be omniscient, you yourself need to know all things. You need to learn things effortlessly, as they are discovered, because the sheer size of all things is the real enemy now.

Eight. The actual work. Dispatch people, plus yourself (and Elon, if still alive) and collect and analyse data. Know as much as you can, store as much as you can, then actively learn these things. Main problem here is how to know the threshold of all things has been met. Data here mostly applies to physical things and events. Objective data. Any subjective data collected has to be made objective, for example, finding objective truth, data tagged by life form who has the particular life-form.

This might involve time travel, for example, if there is evidence to suggest dinosaurs existed, go back in time and take a selfie with one. Concrete photographic evidence.

You will need time travel for subjective data, mostly on life forms’ personal experiences and subsequent beliefs, for all life forms within all space-time in all creation. Big or small. Consider making a ‘life-form detector’ tool. You need to archive, for one organism, every thought, word and action carried out, as experienced by them. It needs to be moment to moment, so you can get information as uncorrupted as possible, information after it becomes muddled, and every single state of ‘muddlement’ that it undergoes. Consider linking this information to objective facts, like a certain memory tagged to an event tagged to the things within the event. Also, if the living things are our ‘servers,’ we just need to partition the brain and store extra data in the partition. But the living thing’s personal data is still intact. Removes redundancy.
You might need to go through every moment in time in all places throughout all creation. Man up, that’s what needs to happen.

Nine. If Elon Musk is still alive, consider dispatching him. Both of you know too much, enough movies tell us conflict looks likely. Or possible. Mostly if you used living things as servers, you’re definitely the villain. Don’t fail. Unless you’re Elon Musk. You don’t need to dispatch yourself then.

Ten. Congratulations! You’re omniscient! All that knowledge, you should be able to tell where the end of the race is. If you can’t tell yet, congratulations! You’re maybe omniscient. You owe me a cup of coffee.
Unless I’m the you that is omniscient.

Nah, I’d still owe me the cup of coffee.

A last word. Feel free to suggest anything else that you would consider here. And we’ll make this the go-to manual for how to be omniscient.



I am a writer, mostly immersed in poetic and short stories. Most of my public work is on Medium, where I play around with poetic forms, together with prose sometimes.

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