Knock. Knock.
written by: Kate MacDonald
SCENE ONE
Interior. A dimly lit dungeon.
Cameras are on tripods and dollies. There are microphones to record dialogue, ambient sounds, and specific audio effects. Lighting kits control the scene’s illumination. Various people are huddled in a corner, muttering and gesticulating. A stunning, petite blonde girl with bright, intelligent eyes stands on the far side of the dungeon. Lounging beside her is an equally blond man with a muscular physique, which he is happy to display. The third member of the cast is lean and lithe, with a smug smile, and is obviously the brains of the ensemble. Hanging around his neck are gadgets that whir and have flashing red lights. The huddle breaks up, and the director bustles over, waving a script.
DIRECTOR
“Now, you wonderful people, it’s time to make the magic
happen. Charlie, you appear busy with your levers, dials,
all buzz and fizz. Amanda, my sweet, when the lights dim,
I want you to freeze for a second, stare stage left, then scream.
Fredrick, you react to the scream by rushing to
Amanda’s side. We need five more minutes to set up
that shot. Then it’s time to shine.”
Amanda shivers as two opaque forms, Jo and Brad, step out of the wall and hover. We see Jo glance at Amanda and note her reaction to their arrival.
BRAD
“Tell me again why we’re here, Jo? I remember this lot,
they call themselves “The Ghost Gatherers.” Their shows
consist of standing in dark rooms while people
off-camera bang, whisper, and groan. The biggest con
since that guy with the loaves and fishes.”
JO
“Being dead certainly hasn’t made you a better person, Brad. Although
I’m not sure why I’m surprised. Yes, Halloween is here again, and so are they.
Our thankless task is to show the viewing public that not only is the afterlife
a reality, but that these charlatans have no idea how to handle even an everyday
infestation of ectoplasm.”
BRAD
“Oh, not ectoplasm. Putting it out there is bad enough, but
getting it back in is yucky. Could I do some wailing
and gnashing of teeth instead?”
JO
“All right, but I hope you’ve been practicing. You have
to become less see-through and summon icy winds as
you wail. It will be a bust if you get stuck halfway when
you spring out of the wall, or your wild wind sounds more
like flatulence.”
BRAD
“That only happened once, okay, twice, but I’m much
better now. So, the plan is that when Amanda says she feels
a ‘spirit’ is coming closer, we know that means some guy
standing in the shadows will make a noise. As she’s about to
scream, I will materialise, you rearrange the set, and we
make her a believer.'”
JO
“That’s it, but please stop with the asinine air quotes you insist
on using. Fool. Okay, Reaper Man, let’s terrorise the “talent.”
Oh, my goodness, it’s catching.”
BRAD
“Right behind you, Angel of Agony, it’s time to manifest.”
SCENE TWO
With that, the director shouts “Action,” and the lights dim. What unfolds is Fosse-like in its fluidity and power.
In homes everywhere, stunned audiences are treated to a full corporeal manifestation of an entity leaping out of a wall, glowing eerily and wailing mournfully.
Simultaneously, various detritus, coffee mugs, scripts, chewing gum wrappers, etc., fly around the dungeon. We hear an unearthly scream from Amanda, then watch her swoon into the arms of not Fredrick but Charlie. In seconds, the crew scatters, and only the cast remains. Fredrick, trying to stay in character, adopts a heroic stance, made less believable by his ashen mien, and Amanda jumps to her feet, looking both terrified and intrigued.
AMANDA
“I recognise you two, but you didn’t look this real before,
You were all misty and see-through.”
JO
“Correct, we’re here to let your gullible audience know that
you’ve been pretending to make contact with the other side
even though none of you believe in an afterlife.”
FREDRICK
If you are claiming to be from the great beyond, that entrance
was quite well done. It didn’t fool me, though.”
CHARLIE
I’m impressed, mate, but I bet you can’t do it on request. How long
does it take to set it up?”
Brad abruptly vanishes and, a second later, returns in a puff of smoke. Fredrick jumps and squeaks.
FREDRICK
“Okay, you’re legit, but will you stop doing that?”
AMANDA
“This explains why I’ve felt so spooked for weeks, but who, or
maybe what, are you two, and do you mean us harm?”
JO
“I don’t know how I feel about you exactly. I know we weren’t
your fans to begin with. What you do is wrong in many ways, but
who are we to judge? No one is perfect. Your crew will be back
soon, probably with the police, so we’re leaving. We’ll be in touch.
A word of advice, don’t hang about here. One nasty boogieman is
waiting in the wings to get one of you alone.”
SCENE THREE
Two weeks later, Amanda’s apartment. Charlie looks very much at home, sitting on the sofa with his arm around Amanda. Fredrick sits on a beanbag, looking furtively around.
FREDRICK
“Why did you ask me here? I told you I wanted nothing more to
do with this mumbo-jumbo, especially now I know it’s for real!”
Amanda hands him a note, and he reads it.
“So, what does this mean? Do what together?”
There are two puffs of smoke, and Jo and Brad appear. Fredrick jumps and squeaks again.
FREDRICK
“WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT! At least ring a bell first, jeez.”
JO
“Sorry, dude, I’ll try and remember.”
A bell rings, and she grins.
“Too late?”
AMANDA
“Okay, very cute, but what do you want from us. We’ve
stopped doing the show, so what else is there?”
JO
“Yes, right. Well, Brad and I have been talking. We first
got into this to debunk all those frauds doing what you
did. But no matter how many we frightened off, more of
them turned up.”
BRAD
“It was exhausting, man, it takes a lot of energy to
materialise and move stuff around.”
JO
“For you, maybe, you’re a lightweight. I practice more
often. Seriously, though, we need a different approach.”
CHARLIE
“What kind of approach, scare the bejeezes outa them?”
JO
“No, something a little more subtle. You already have an
online following, so what if we joined you three? Instead of noises
offstage, what if we helped you connect with lost spirits and move
them into the light?”
FREDRICK
“That sounds pretty interesting; what do you guys think?”
AMANDA
“I’m not saying no, but how much danger would we be in?”
JO
Most hauntings involve spirits who are unaware of their own passing
and are simply trying to communicate with their family, who often seem
to ignore them. Granted, some are downright evil, as they were when they
were alive. But we’ve learned how to deal with them on our own plane.
AMANDA
“Charlie, you’ve been awfully quiet; any thoughts?”
CHARLIE
“Any thoughts? Any thoughts? Are you both crazy? Did you
read the articles I sent you? I looked into the records. The police
had no evidence in either case, yet they both vanished.”
FREDRICK
I read what there was, mate, which wasn’t much. Mutual
friends and her workmates stated Jo was sure Brad was
cheating on her, and said she was going to leave him. The
house was hers, but when they became engaged, she wrote
a will leaving everything to Brad. It was Brad who reported Jo
missing, and a couple of months later, Brad disappeared too.
CHARLIE
How can you trust these, let’s be frank, killers? They
murdered each other! Agreed, in Jo’s case, revenge was
a good reason, but that creep Brad is downright nasty.”
Brad
“Okay, that’s harsh, but I’ve changed; being dead does
that. I can see what a good thing it’d be to help lost
souls move on.”
AMANDA
“This needs some thinking about. Give us a couple of days,
and we’ll get back to you, okay?”
JO
“That’s fair enough. We’ll leave you to it.”
With a couple of puffs of smoke, they are gone.
AMANDA
“And no hiding in the wall listening, not cool, guys.”
A muffled “Sorry” is heard.
SCENE FOUR
Three weeks later. Interior. A dimly lit dungeon. Standing in the centre of this space are Amanda, Charlie, and Fredrick. We can see mist (dry ice) eddying around them, and feel anticipation crackle in the air.
An announcer, sounding very much like Brad, is heard,
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome back to
Ghost Gatherers, but with a twist. Over to you, Amanda.”
AMANDA
“Good evening, everyone. We are very pleased to be back,
and those of you who watched our last show are probably
surprised that we are. We had our faith tested that night.
We faced our past and met our future. May I present a
crucial part of that future, our new co-hosts, the late
Jo and Brad.”
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