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Monologue Of A Selfish Heart
written by: Avi Fleischer
I sit alone and let the thoughts rage around in my head.
Why am I even here on earth, would I be better off dead?
What is my contribution to make my stay unique?
Have I done anything that matters or is my existence bleak?
What makes me special to anyone, if I am special at all?
Why would you want to catch me if ever I were to fall?
Do I have a task I must fulfill, for better or for worse?
Or am I here with none at all, is my life just a curse?
Why is there so much pain to share among the dead and living?
Why is the god of love so selfish yet the god of hate so giving?
Are my desires worth a damn or am I forever to be burned?
Why can't I have a glimpse of happiness before my soul is returned?
Why does love elude me so? Has it forsaken me?
Am I to wander on my own, for all eternity?
Are all my tears shed in vain, has my fate already been dealt?
If this is so, would it not be fair for my pain to not be felt?
What do I have to do, to prove that I truly care?
That for the ones that I love, my heart is always there.
A tapestry of guilt and doubt a taste so very tart
Is woven as I listen to the beating of my heart.
And above all, my selfish heart really wants to see.
Am I worthy of true love, and if not, will I ever be?
My interest in writing poetry began when I was 21, and I'd written numerous poems between 1996 and 2003 before writing got sidetracked by life. It had been nearly 15 years before the death of a friend hit hard and I was compelled to write again. Everything I've written was during a very emotional time in my life and I can only hope that those feelings are imbued in the words that I've written. Thank you for taking the time to check out my work.