Please Don’t Feed The Animals
written by: Andy Bates
PLEASE DON’T FEED THE ANIMALS
The signs were everywhere
That was my defence
But they didn’t seem to care
They had ‘em near the meerkats
Some near the penguins too
Quite a common sight
When you’re mooching round the zoo
The flamingos were looking flustered
The chimpanzees looked knackered
The elephant’s deflated
And the punters had all scattered
They hauled me to a meeting
“This is your tribunal”
Bombarded me with questions
They really were quite brutal
I couldn’t understand it
I’d done as I was told
I’d assumed hibernation
But these were lifeless, still and cold
Well soon it made the papers
The Sun and the Daily Mail
Leading with the story
CLUELESS ZOO-KEEPER JAILED
Andy Bates is a Warrington based poet writing grounded, character-driven poems with dark humour, working-class grit and sharp observational storytelling. His work explores everyday absurdity, emotional dead ends and the chaos of ordinary lives gone slightly sideways. He believes poetry should be accessible, honest and occasionally inappropriate.
Latest posts by Andy Bates (see all)
- Please Don’t Feed The Animals - July 4, 2025
