It is here.
The time has come.
I have survived,
and I know it’s all about one thing.
My faith. My journey. My passage through time in this life to the next.
I feel it with every ache of my bones.
This place in time,
is where I am meant to be.
I believe Jesus Christ has a place for me, a mission in this world.
I suffer from bipolar disorder.
I was diagnosed when I was 18 years old.
It shattered my world.
Robbed me of my innocence.
And I have been paying for it ever since.
Along this road, this mission I lost,
losses that tore me to the core.
But what I have gained is so much more.
Thank you Lord.
Somewhere along the way I learned not to be ashamed
or feel like I had to carry a stigma.
I accepted the cross God left for me.
I carry this cross and by the gift of my faith,
I have had help along the way.
But before I would take help, I had the deacons at my back,
launching there every attack.
They hit on target some,
But thankfully I always bounced back.
The past year of my life has been one of if not the hardest to bear.
I hit the deepest depression of my life.
I lost all I held dear.
The life I thought I knew.
Yet I held onto my faith and this is how I am able to speak today.
I heard the voices, they were calling my name.
End it all.
Slit your wrists.
I did not obey.
The light was still inside of me, even though I did not see.
I asked for help.
Woke my parents in the night,
Their love kept me safe that night.
My sisters the next.
We are all in this together,
And we can save a life.
The mania hit harder than ever before.
Hidden demons came before me once more.
Things that had happened to me,
That I could only turn a blind eye to see.
Tormented me day and night, throwing me into a fervorous fight.
I trusted no one, especially myself.
I fought it, didn’t want it, but I went inpatient.
It saved my life.
I feel good today.
I still have my days and always will.
But, I know the hope in my heart gives me the will to press on.
The faith it will get better.
And it always gets better,
And I hang onto that.
I have been writing my entire life, and use my gift for spreading awareness of mental illness through my poetry. I am a mental health advocate, have worked with special needs children for ten years, and am currently studying to be a yoga teacher. I am also working on my goal to become a yoga therapist.