Today I Got Fat
written and performed by: Emily Vieweg
@EmilyJVieweg
I noticed jowls under my chin
girth between my shoulders
and no space between my thighs
or room on the chair for my purse
I wasn’t fat yesterday—even when I got the
full dessert at Applebee’s and steak with
shrimp and parmesan and a baked potato loaded
with bacon and sour cream and butter…
Overnight, from then to now, from there to here,
I got fat.
I judge myself with my eyes now—
when I used to just see me, now I see my outsides.
Where he always sees emotional strength I just notice my
weakness for diet soda and one more thin mint column.
I want to see through my son’s eyes –
the blue-green orbs rubber-cemented
to his laptop, only sometimes available for a chat or a meal
Or through my daugher’s eyes behind the golden shirley temple curls—
she squeals in glee when I return from work
and weeps when I leave—
but I just see fat.
That one sees stars in my eyes and sex in my hips—I turn him on
with a soft reveal of my neck.
Maybe it’s because I fill his arms that he sees stars…
I see crow’s feet and tears pooling
begging not to fall.
because I just feel fat.
Today I saw why when I was younger the guys never knocked at my door
or returned my calls—why my messages were always empty or just spam.
Today I feel beaten by my own vanity
the second sin of which I am guilty.
I see laugh lines and
crow’s feet and
toenail fungus and
fading tattoos and
Wait a minute!!
I have boobs.
full-size, that guys wish their slim gals had.
Real boobs
that flop to the right sometimes
when the swimsuit doesn’t quite
support just right.
kind boobs that smile through a lacey bra
and giggle when embraced into cleavage.
supple boobs nourished by Victoria’s Secret silky bliss.
and how about hips.
hips filling out the “curvy” jeans that stick-figures
wish they could wear.
Birthing hips
hips Ancient Greeks would love to grab
while making love in the grass in the rain just outside the city.
I have full hips.
hips that don’t need a belt.
happy hips that giggle as I parade in high heels, knowing this
is the time they can sway and seduce him.
I see my thickly thighs with
silvery threads shining in the mirror
these are the symbols of motherhood—
my badges of honor
making me fat.
- Spotlight On Writers – Emily Vieweg - November 25, 2017
- Pounding - November 9, 2017
- Vultures - July 7, 2017
