When Winter Comes
written by: Mogau Ntsoane
It lurks in the background.
During Autumn, Spring, and Summer
Unashamed of its cold breeze.
Never allowing me to gather my firewood,
Hidden in the summer sun and spring leaves
’till it pounces
My winter isn’t cold,
It’s clammy palms, sweaty forehead, and racing heart
Then when it snows
It never finds me in sweatpants and winter scarfs
It is death lurking in the shadows
My winter never comes,
It has a home in my house
Rages with anger, paranoia
That’s when I know they’re out to get me,
I remain silent,
Careful not to let slip that I am onto them,
The unhealthy binging
Food, more food,
Eventually, my batteries run out
Everything becomes heavy,
My mind, my heart, my limbs,
Even my breath threatens to give in,
So, I sleep, for a few minutes,
Minutes become hours, hours become days,
Then weeks, I disappear …
Then as if Moses let go of his magic rod
I’m flooded in saltwater,
Crying, crying for my release from this imprisoned mind
Despite the puffy red eyes,
Swollen lips and scorching headache,
I cry until I’m hoarse,
I will cry till I am ready to pick up the pieces
My winter isn’t seasonal,
My winter is friends with the monsters under my bed
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