I have no heart…
At least it feels that way. Each day I wish it was true.
They say the heart wants what the heart wants,
but sometimes the heart can’t have what it wants,
so, it denies itself, or stops functioning.
This heart is buried deep in this chest, beating slowly
and yet it’s as cold as ice, shriveled up a bit of stone
that leaves nothing for which to hope.
The heart can only take so much.
This heart which beats slowly deep in the chest is a shell
of what it used to be, a shell of what it was meant to be.
That which used to be warm and full of love and light
is now cold and dark and left to dysfunction and cruelty.
The heart of love and passion has been betrayed
by the devices of delusion. Reality has set in.
Time heals all wounds; except the heart.
Oh, yes time passes, and the pain lessens, but the heart
is hardened. It has put up its defenses and locked the gates.
It will love no more. This heart survives encased in a shrine
of dead memories. It hides behind the cage;
the rib cage and waits. It waits for its reprieve,
the day it can cease to feel the pain.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
But in the absence of love, it has given way to a cynical existence
of what if, and who cares. Each day it’s one day closer to atrophy.
It cries out from the cavity it’s encased in, hardly beating;
barely able to force life-giving blood through veins
that ice courses through until the body is numb
and no longer cares.
It happens over time until it’s too late.
The slow beat of the hardened heart becomes weak.
It struggles to keep time with the rhythm of that which is called life.
It hides deep within and darkness takes over.
The heartbreaks and the walls cave.
The barrier that encases the wounded warrior implodes
and the heart ceases. The slow painful
heart beats no more.
Tracy is the author of “A Dangerous Truth,” “Ways of War,” a series of poetry, as well as multiple short stories. She grew up in Alaska and lives in New Hampshire with her husband and two adult daughters. She is the Author of the blog site TracesofTracyGregory.