I Used to Love Halloween

I Used to Love Halloween

written by: Catherine Gigante-Brown

@BklynCatwoman

I used to love Halloween
when I was a kid.
I could be anything I wanted
including a blonde fairy princess
when, in truth, my hair was
black as shoe polish.

I used to love Halloween
when I was a teenager,
the gore, the blood, the fake scars,
running from the boys
who hurled eggs at you,
smacked you with chalk sticks
they hid in tube socks
and getting splattered with handfuls
of Barbasol shaving cream.

I used to love Halloween
when I was a grownup,
holding my toddler son’s hand,
him dressed as a ninja,
me as a nun.
People would confess
their sins to me
when they caught a glimpse
of my metal-tipped ruler.
And later, when my son and I got home,
I ate all the candies he didn’t like.

But now that I am older,
Halloween isn’t the same.
Maybe because I have real scars,
maybe because there are real demons
pursuing me,
my own mortality
knocking at an invisible door
within myself that I can’t see.
Maybe because cancer
has been at the other side of that door,
twice,
leaving me wounded
and battle-weary
but still here,
still here,
missing the innocent Halloweens
of princess masks
and Snickers bars.

Yes, I used to love Halloween
but as a grownup
life is scary enough.

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Catherine Gigante-Brown

Catherine Gigante-Brown is a writer of fiction, nonfiction, plays and poetry. Her poems have appeared in publications like Seventeen, Ravishly and Downtown Express. She has featured at Tom Kane’s BookMark Bards and Ken Siegelman’s Brooklyn Poetry Outreach, Voices of Poetry and also at the long-running Green Pavilion Poets. Along with late poet Darryl Alladice, Gigante-Brown developed a powerful spoken word piece called “My Brooklyn, Your Brooklyn,” about coming of age in the County of Kings. They have performed MBYB at several venues throughout the Tristate area, including the Cornelia Street Café, 440 Gallery, 61 Local, the Park Slope Barnes & Noble and the Italian American Museum. Gigante-Brown’s novels, “The El Trilogy” (“The El,” “The Bells of Brooklyn” and “Brooklyn Roses”), “Different Drummer” and “Better than Sisters” (which includes her poetry) are published by Volossal. Born and bred in Brooklyn, New York, Gigante-Brown, her husband and son make their home there and upstate in Rosendale.

Latest posts by Catherine Gigante-Brown (see all)

• Skateaway: The Pond - December 15, 2020
• I Used to Love Halloween - October 24, 2020
• The Gift of Sinatra - December 17, 2019