written by: Camille
I lie in the half light, shadow of dusk approaching.
Beside me lie the empty boxes of every prescribed drug I could find.
Confetti of blister packs surrounds me.
Too late now.. It’s done!
The telephone lies within my drowsy reach.
Three little numbers…. I picture them in my head… Those three 9’s that could still change the outcome…..
My index finger twitches briefly.. I see it.. Then it returns to stillness.
I feel a little sedated now….ever so slightly detached and I think to myself that’s a good thing..
To drift away on a sea of peace and tranquility,
I hear the most haunting melody.. Real or imagined I can’t tell……then I smile to myself.
As if my exit from this world would be accompanied by beautiful music!
Alas I shall slip from this world unnoticed.. Without so much as birdsong.
I shall leave behind so little to aid remembrance..: no real evidence that I was ever here,
A tinge of sadness in my drug soaked mind….
Not completely anaesthetised yet..still pain there in my heart.
I turn my head.. The telephone eyeballs me…
My finger twitches a second time.
I feel strange now.. Floaty and ethereal,
The pain has nearly gone away.
I roll clumsily towards the telephone,
It seems to be moving away from me.. The bed is enormous,
I know there’s not much time…
I stare stupidly at the receiver.
Three little numbers….then nothing.
Nothing for quite a long while,
Then the smell of hospitals assuages my nostrils,
Wearing a crisp white sheet.. Not a shroud..
I muse if my failure to die was a weakness or a strength?
To leave or face a nothingness world…
Perhaps there is no glory in either choice,
Each path as empty and desolate as the other….
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