If we are always constantly growing and learning, I wonder what it is I am learning. What will I grow to be? Where are my experiences taking me?
I am afraid that there is nothing in this life that all this growing and learning is preparing me for. I believe in my heart of hearts that my mind prepares itself for the next big step I must take in my journey.
Those feelings I had as a teenager when I first left home come flooding through me and I shake and vibrate with all the emotions of that stupid child of yesterday.
But it is the tomorrow to come that I now shake and vibrate for.
The hopeful anticipation that I may not lose myself at the end of all things.
I've always been a jack of all trades. I've been a poet, author, social commentator, comedian, online gamer, pod cast host, and Youtuber. I've had a class A license to drive semi truck over the road. I've worked as a chef, manager and all kitchen positions in hundreds of restaurants over the years. I've traveled in Mexico, Canada and through 37 of the 50 states. I've been a volunteer firefighter in Florida, where I grew up. I've fished the waters of the Gulf of Mexico and saw the far distant coast line of Cuba before its recent opening to the west. I've married, had 4 kids, divorced, got CKD stage 6 (end stage renal failure) Survived a stroke, mild heart attack, MRSA, blood clots and now chronic heart failure. Fully disabled and home bound, the internet is my social outlet, and window on the world. I go to dialysis three times a week, I watch movies, play video games and chat with people on social media. Writing is my catharsis for a life that is now spent measuring the time I have left, less the tomorrows that may never be.