Were I to gather my thoughts
just as they appear you would
not recognize the portrait.
I am a reflection of the voyeur.
My selves are not selves at all,
they are fragments
of a more substantial being.
A fragment can assimilate
any number of designations.
Make of me what you will.
Each teardrop is a star quilted
in unparalleled darkness,
I unstitch them one by one
but they go up in smoke
before ever reaching my lips.
I shed my second skin
and settle into the pauses
of your sacred architecture.
My derelict bones are dry enough to burn.
Will you furnish me when vacant?
Can you love me knowing
that I am temporary and inexact?
All that spills through my fingers is lost
for I have not the composure
to bend down and recover it.
My fingers stumble down
the length of your sternum.
If you were truly a fish
I would have emptied you
I drink your flesh by the inch
and when I have planted your root
as deep as it can go, I will fall upon it
again and again until I am grounded.
It is the act of loving which makes us whole.
I am an American living in a small village in Sweden with my husband and soon to be teenager daughter. My poetry deals with mental illness (in particular PTSD resulting from childhood trauma, Depression, Social Anxiety, and Dissociative Disorder), spiritual dilemmas/life’s big questions, social ineptitudes, rebellion and misanthropy, love both sublime and dysfunctional, grief, obsession, and really everything and anything to do with being human/the human condition. My fascination with the human condition led me to go door to door as a child asking people to share their life stories with me. In gathering the life stories of others I came to understand what it was to be truly loved, not because I was loved, but through the love of others for their own families. It was this undaunting belief in a reality where love exists which gave me the strength to break away from my abusive past and seek out healthier more meaningful relationships, not just with others but with myself as well. I manage a creative writing group that offers daily writing prompts, in addition, to my blog.