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I'm Sorry

written by: Hayley Burwood

@Hayleyburwood2

 

I'm sorry for the pain I've done
I did not like your type of fun
I tore up my family I was to blame
I'm sorry for crying and causing you pain

My tears dropped to the floor
I'm sorry I wet the bed and lots more
Why oh why did I exist
The bruises are there you couldn't resist

I'm sorry for making you shout
I did deserve the punches kicks and clouts
I'm so sorry for getting home late
And leaving home before you awake

I'm sorry for being quiet and not saying a word
I'm not being the perfect child you deserve
I wish I was a boy I would then not be a slave
Then I couldn't feel the pain you gave

Your weight on top of me haunts me every day
You said you loved me in a different way
I held onto your secret from day one
But now I open up to more not some

But can you hear me I'm screaming at you 
Why did you burn me when I was feeling so blue
Every day it happened till I was twelve years old
I lost the child in me but I'm catching up as it unfolds

My life is damaged because of you
I want to move on and live life through
I want the strength to say my goodbyes
But instead, all I see are your lies

So yes I'm sorry for not doing as I should
And yes I shouted as loud as I could
Help me help me I tried to yell
But my throat was sore were you strangling me as well

You made me smoke at the age of five
I guess I'm so lucky to be alive
You made me drink alcohol at a young age
And drugs to shut me up when I was in a rage

So yes I've been through some shit
But I'm here to tell the story I now write
I'm a survivor of abuse and shame
And I now know that I'm not to blame

Hayley Burwood

Hayley Burwood

I am a 41 year old woman who has learning disabilities and mental health problems too. I have a 12 year old child who lives with me, it hasn’t been easy but with the right support I'm managing. I have problems with confidence and self-esteem. I've been through domestic abuse, emotional and sexual abuse as a child, including physical abuse here and there. I really like writing poetry and needed a chance to show what I can do. It makes me feel happy. I feel I can express how I feel through my poetry. I would like to gain awareness for people who are struggling and going through tough times, I've done speeches and read my poetry aloud at lots of events. And it helps me a lot. Everybody has a voice. I really hope my work gets through to people’s hearts and they realise that I have talents and life issues to share as well.
Hayley Burwood

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